Understanding versus Results

I've been very busy these days, taking care of very important things in my life and I had to let the thoughts come and go, and never wrote about them.
There's an specific thought though, that keeps coming back to me and I thought it would be good to discuss and give it attention.
I did not come up with the new wheel or anything like that; I actually can't still figure the whole thing for me; there are too many ifs.

I'm raising a very old, cliche question that, called my attention, possibly because I looked at it from a different angle or my mind might have changed about it over time, not sure.

Intentions or actions? Pragmatic or idealistic?
What does really matter? I mean, obviously both, but we are still too undeveloped to expect perfect behavior from others and ourselves. So, often times, that's what we get: people with great intentions and others that put into action (under unknown intention).

What do we prefer to live around? And what do we receive from our friends, partners and acquaintances?
It's interesting to watch people; we express our demands by saying " I wish Fulana (Portuguese expression, name sample) would do this..." And then... she does what we want. That's it, that's all it takes to make most people content. It doesn't matter under what motivations she was.

What do we want? Our partners to truly understand us, what we expect and make us happy or to unconsciously and easily fill our demands? Even under the high cost of not getting what we want or the high cost of relating to people that will never really know who we are and need?
After many generations of arranged marriages, limited friendships and social relationships, things have changed, as we all know. Or better, flipped completely. Multi interaction and self chosen relationships is a big part living today. And being practical is trendy now; people are mixing and matching trying to find who will "understand" them and make life easier. Is everyone really searching for that? I find that a lot of people do not want to give up the practical results (of having people around that fit their personal needs) and end up making choices based on what will make their successful achievements possible, sorrounding themselves with fake friends, rich husbands and dumb people. Therefore, sacrificing the beautiful and fulfilling experience of truly understanding between 2 people, very innate of childhood experiences. I don't want to seem too extreme here, because when I put it this way, it's very easy to choose a side. As an example, when I say "fake friends", it could totally mean a very sweet friend that we like for a reason but that just isn't a very good friend, that doesn't get us or understand where our points come from. And maybe, luckly, sometimes we will be speaking the same language, but most of times "translation" will turn out impossible.

I guess is part of growing up, or fitting in, or values and priorities.

meu coracao esta pequenininho... quase nao cabe nada
enrrugado e cinza, igual carne podre
minha cabeca ja nao anda mais aqui por cima
foi embora, me largou, me abandonou

quem e aqui?
nao sou mais

Reenergize

I will shake the towel, extend it back straight again, so more sand can build up.
Pick up the pieces that have fallen and put them back together. A puzzle that I have finished before.
Undust my shelves, desk and windows. Let some fresh, warm, spring air come inside my soul.
I'm ready for recharging and some repairs. Product life is shrinking and battery is dying.
It will start next week, on Friday at 11:05am, when I will be landing in Rio, my beautiful welcoming land, near my warm dearest people.
I'll just lay next to them for a few minutes and speak my f.. rhythmic language. It will sound like music.
Eat the fish that speaks with a northern accent and roll of happiness in yucca flour.
I will drink cachaca, coconut and love everyday!
Listen to my samba and let my feet flow, til the dark is not dark anymore and it's time for an ocean bath.
Hike up and down the green hills, feel my feet grounded and make a pray for the white and yellow, the forest "caboclos" .
Laugh with all and cry on a familiar old shoulder, where i've been many times, long ago.

And I will be back, for all of you, my battle friends, ready for more of New York.

Brancao Fernandes Kaltner

Descobri sobre a doenca do Brancao no dia 14 de marco, dia do meu ultimo post.

Agora ele foi brincar com os anjos... Os mesmos que o trouxeram aqui.
Os mesmos que puseram aquele bichinho de quatro patas e 2 kilos nas minhas maos, quando deu seu primeiro suspiro.

Eu tinha ido passar um final de semana em Mosqueiro, quando a Cher resolveu dar cria... a 7 bacuris! 6 vieram e ela foi dar uma volta de alivio. O setimo veio atrasado um pouco depois (quase esquecemo ele la!).
Lembro como se fosse ontem: Sentei com as pernas abertas, no chao, segurando a cabecinha dela e retirando cada filhote daquela barrigona, com cuidado. Com os ultimos da fila, tive que me virar e cortar o cordao umbilical com uma tesoura velha e amarrar os umbiguinhos com a linha da toalha que usei para limpa-los.
Eles se arrastavam direto para o vao das minhas pernas, onde era quentinho e escuro.
Notamos logo as diferencas entre eles... e a Cher tambem!
Ela sempre teve uma preferencia cruel e aparente pelo Brancao; o maior e mais claro da ninhada.
Ele podia brincar com todos os brinquedos dela! Enquanto os outros 6 levavam um chega-pra-la na mesma hora que tentassem toca-los.
Ficavamos impressionados com aquela atitude. Mas enfim, naqueles momentos ela escolhia seu parceiro de vida; belos 7 anos juntos.

Foram melhores amigos. Trocaram lambidas, afagos e grandes arranca-rabos tambem. Viram o mundo juntos; moraram em Belem, Rio, foram a Macae, Teresopolis, Maua, Salinas, Mosqueiro e Icoaracy. Enfrentaram, juntos, a "barra" de ficar em casa quando saiamos. Dividiram ate as refeicoes (mais o Brancao do que a Cher).

Ele passou por poucas e boas com o Charles. Passou temporadas na casa dele na tentativa de endireitarmos aquele cachorro danado, que so queria saber de bola e brigar com outros cachorros em portoes de casas. Ele nasceu e morreu assim; poucos dias antes de se for ainda corria atras da sua maior paixao: a bola.

Viva a memoria do Brancao, cao docil e amavel, que nos trouxe tantas alegrias e que foi incansavelmente cuidado em todos os momentos de sua vida e amado por todos da minha familia.

Brancao

Que Deus lhe permita mais uma chance de fazer uma familia feliz.
Se nao for possivel, se sua vontade for leva-lo, que o leve sem dor
E traga acalento para os nossos coracoes
Que estarao tao vazios quando ele partir
Mamae e papai cuidarao de voce ate o fim
Nos te amamos, seu moleque safado
E lhe amaremos para sempre.

Coco Channel

More adventures of this sweet dog are coming up...

I believe that if you want, you can

One day I learned the true meaning of the word "want". It's been 8 - 10 years, when one of the person's that I admire and respect the most, told me about this.
She thoroughly described how "to want" is a lot more than "to wish". She told me that the feeling of truly wanting something is so strong and constant that is quiet. It's not abrupt or impulsive; rather, it's constant and conscious.
What we want is, in some sense, what we are or what we potentially will be. For example, that fact that I want to be a jeweler makes me be one, automatically (relatively speaking), as I expose myself that way, approach, get involved and interested in all that can possibly lead me to achieve what I want: be a jeweler.
She told me that when you really want something, strong reassurance comes from inside, that the object "wanted" is reserved for you, even if it's not known in what situation and when. And you don't feel like this all the time! Wishes, come and go like shooting stars. If I see this beautiful and fit woman on the street, I wish so badly I could be like her! I sweat like crazy at the gym and then don't go back there for 2 weeks ... because, instead, I wanted to read my books, watch flicks, eat chocolate late at night and be happy. I'm sorry, but this is not "wanting" to be fit, darling.
When you want, the feeling arrives and stays.
Many people "want to be rich" (I'm talking about the stupid material richness). In this case I believe in luck or a long journey of study, hard work, dedication and a lot of networking. But if this is what you really want, mind and body will be restless; will just work heading towards that goal.
Who wants something for real, fights naturally, daily, and even if sometimes, it will hurt and you just want to drop it all off, things will come back to the "normal" state of "wanting and running after".
This thought comforts me when I see myself walking in circles or trying to achieve something that is so far away that it seems impossible, but that I want so badly. At the same time, opens my eyes to see the reality, when I "truly" believe to want something, but facing the firsts obstacles, I wonder "if this is what I want".
Therefore, in addition to the traditional whine over the reasons why we don't conquer things, people and situations that we want, we should consider the scenario in which we don't really want these things, but wish them... And maybe we will conclude, still, that we want them, and that will be the case of starting to act accordingly: fight, figure it out ways; use whatever we have to achieve our goal. And many other times, we will see how spoiled and "full of wishes" we are.

- Friends, this was one of my texts in Portuguese that I translated to English, as per a friend's request. It was not an easy job. I apologize if some expressions didn't make sense. I deliberately did some literal translations; but those were the best words I could find!